There is one thing that your career or business and love have in common: you hope to be successful at it. You want a successful career or a thriving business, and you hope to find a satisfying relationship. Some people are immensely successful at what they set out to do, no matter what. Others - not so much. So, the big question is, why are some fruitful in realizing their goals, hopes, and dreams while others never find them? It is an age-old and seemingly complex question, yet a fairly simple answer exists.
First off, let me tell you it has nothing to do with effort and hard work. Although, by that, I don’t mean to say that willingness to do the work isn’t required. I get so frustrated when people buy my book because they’re really motivated to find a partner, but then they don’t actually read it. And then there are those who do read, but then don’t do the workbook or the visualizations. It’s a little like getting a prescription from your doctor but never taking it and wondering why you don’t feel any better. The inception of any new venture, whether it’s a new business or the decision to change your personal life, requires intention. The laws of physics demand that you overcome the initial inertia to create something new where, before, there was nothing. If you want something to change, it has to begin with you. So, in the beginning, it takes willingness and effort. Even once you are underway, it takes continuous attention to ensure the ship doesn’t sail off course.
But there are many people who are very driven to succeed, and they’re not afraid of doing the hard work it takes to get there, and yet still, their desired outcome remains elusive. For them, the reason is where they place their focus. I know. I used to be one of those focused, hard-working, driven people who nevertheless always felt that real success remained elusive. I couldn’t figure out why I always felt like my dreams remained out of reach. I had the goal. I knew very clearly what I wanted. I worked long hours to do what it took to get the job done, but I felt like I could never quite get there. In my frustration, I called myself a “99 percenter”. Upon cursory glance, it would seem that being 99% successful is awfully close to 100%. But imagine you’re trying to jump on a boat, and you only make it 99% across - you end up 100% wet.
I tended to see things in black and white, with not a lot of room for grey. “Bottom-line it!” “Cut to the chase! Give it to me straight!” It’s just my personality. I couldn’t be bothered with explanations of why things hadn’t worked as planned. I only cared that the results remained outstanding. I thought of myself as a no-nonsense, driven businesswoman. What I didn’t realize was that this very attitude was what kept me from the success I envisioned.
Now, don’t get me wrong, the outcome is important. Without a clear vision of where you want to go, a project cannot succeed. As a leader, I felt it was incumbent upon me to hold the vision for the organization. However, there is also a big problem with that. When you are so single-mindedly focused on the outcome, you are, by necessity, always looking at what is “not yet.” In other words, you are looking at apparent failure. Anything in its beginning stages is necessarily not yet where it will be at its conclusion.
So, you’re in trouble when you are continuously asking, “Where is my stuff?” “Why am I not successful yet? Or “why am I still going home alone when everyone I know has a partner?” When you’re always focused on the “not yet,” you effectively prevent yourself from making your dreams a reality. It is tantamount to planting a seed, maybe even adding some water and fertilizer, but digging it up the next day to examine why it hasn’t yet sprouted. Not only are you delaying and interrupting the process, but you’re probably also destroying the tiny seedling so it can never grow.
So, what happened that changed things for me? How did I stop being so focused on only the outcome? Well, incidentally, it was for the same reason that I wrote my book, The List Method: I found the love of my life, and everything changed. Suddenly I was loved and adored and admired, and unconditionally supported, and I started living in an entirely different energetic environment. Being so in love, it became easy to live in the moment. The outcome wasn’t the only thing I cared about anymore. I began enjoying the journey, rather than merely anticipating the destination.
Let’s face it; the experience of the destination is fleeting anyway. You work and work at creating forward momentum just so you can arrive at the target. You’re so used to moving that when you finally get there, you’ve already moved on, and the new car smell wears off very quickly. You’re off and running toward the next outcome. Rushing, rushing, and never really enjoying any of it.
That’s why I always say that a successful life should contain a successful relationship. And by that, I don’t mean a relationship at any cost, simply to ward off loneliness; I mean THE relationship with your perfect mate. When you find it, time stands still. When you feel appreciated for whom you are, you come to appreciate each moment. You become present, and that’s when you automatically become a winner in the game of life. And in the end, isn’t that what success is all about?
The List Method is a simple step-by-step way to find the love of your life using neuroscience and tried and true strategies to help you uncover and clear away your barriers to a successful relationship. Learn to understand your own deep needs and desires so you can create a crystal-clear vision of the partner of your dreams. Armed with your List, it could potentially take only days for you to meet the love of your life. Guaranteed!!