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People want to be loved. And they also need to love something. It’s part of who we are, a basic human requirement. Without it, we’re just not able to live our best life. So when I wrote my book, The List Method – which is a science-based way to find the love of your life - I thought single people would flock to bookstores.
Then I realized that, although so many people are lonely and are dreaming of that perfect love, they have so much baggage around relationships that they aren’t exactly keen on rushing into their next one. That’s because They have no real concept of what a real, epic, true romantic love relationship can actually feel like. I mean, I know I didn’t either at the outset of this journey.
So, people are telling me things like, “No, no, I’m done with all of that. Relationships are just too hard. I’m happier alone.” I get it, but they think that only because they have no real idea how life-affirming, life-changing, fun, and supportive a true romance with an ideal partner is. I hear, “I would love to find someone to share my life with, but I’m not willing to compromise myself just to be in a relationship.” That’s a really good point, but they don’t know that when you’re in a relationship with your perfect match, there is no need for compromise. Everybody gets what they want because you both want the same things. I know. It’s hard to imagine when you’ve never felt something like that.
Love Gets a Bad Rap
Of course, we don’t exactly have the best examples in front of us. Indeed, the stories of literature and the films we see on television and the movies paint a god-awful picture. Of course, they’re not really meant to model actual life; they are written to entertain and to drive the plot forward. A story where a relationship flows evenly and harmoniously would be pretty dull to watch. In the movies, an epic love story only works if someone dies at the end. And, without being aware, these stories fuel our image and our expectations of what relationships are like.
Our own experiences of past relationships don’t help much, either. To be fair, though, look at how they all got started. Impossibly romantic and entirely accidental - it finally happened: You met someone! There was a powerful initial attraction, and somehow, you hoped that would be enough to make it work for a lifetime. But how could it? You completely ignored the myriad facets that make you and your new lover totally different beings. Really, what are the chances that you would meet someone, by sheer luck, who would be an utterly seamless match for you? Your odds of winning in Vegas are quite a bit better!
It’s much more likely that you would meet someone who wants completely different things, has different opinions, and sees the world from an entirely different point of view. If you find them sufficiently attractive to want to make it work, the compromising and negotiating begins. Eventually, you’ve done so much trading and bargaining that you barely recognize yourself anymore. That kind of love doesn’t feel good. More than 50% of marriages ultimately go their separate ways. It’s just not worth being with someone if you have to lose yourself in the process. So, I get why people don’t exactly want to rush into their next relationship.
Clarity is Key
With no real examples, the vast majority of people have no experience of what epic love really feels like. And that kind of love rarely ever happens by accident. Finding your perfect partner requires focus, clarity, and deep self-awareness. You have to be clear on the kind of life you’re looking for. You have to know your goals, desires, opinions, your values, and personal standards. Only then can you create a detailed List of the one person who would be your perfect match in all areas of life. For it to work, you have to catalog precisely what you want in a partner: everything you find irresistible and attractive, both physically, emotionally, and intellectually.
I promise you, if you write your List, your love will come. And quickly! For me, it took only two days to find the love of my life after I had written my List – and after clearing out some of the emotional baggage that was getting in my way. The List Method tells you all about how to do that.
Some people worry that if they were to get so detailed, so picky about whom they were looking for, they would never find them, but the exact opposite is true. The clearer you are on your goals, the faster and more satisfying the results. Just like the business world could not function without clear goals and projections and precise planning, neither does your love life. A relationship is not truer or more romantic because it started by accident. In fact, the exact opposite is true.
A relationship that is built on seamless compatibility elevates your life. It is hard to put into words how wonderful life is when you are with your ideal partner. When you both have the same ideas about what a perfect life should look like, there is no need for compromise – ever! When you both want the same things and share the same hopes and dreams, there is no need for deal-making, trades, and agreements – you both get what you want. By that, I do not mean that you have to be joined at the hip. For example, my partner and I both require a tremendous amount of alone time. (I, fact, it was on my List!) The need for solitude is just one more thing we have in common. The point is that you both get exactly what you want – and that’s where the happiness comes from.
The Elephant in the Room
In the United States, sex is rarely ever discussed in polite society. We ignore it and pretend we don’t care about it, particularly as we get older, but sex is so important for a healthy, happy life. It increases dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and testosterone levels and does wonders for mental and emotional well-being. These hormones improve your mood, even your cognition, and they diminish anxiety and stress responses.
Sex has to be part of your thinking when you create your List of your perfect mate. What’s your hottest fantasy, and who are you with when it happens? Having sex with a compatible partner who shares your desires and fantasies is very powerful. You’ll be infinitely happier and healthier, and that means greater success in all other areas of your life.
A Successful Life Should Have a Successful Relationship
When you truly feel loved, adored, admired, and appreciated for who you actually are, you bloom like a potted plant. With your mind always on love, everything looks brighter. Being so positively focused, seemingly, your luck improves. You run on all ten cylinders and can show up as your very best self. It’s self-perpetuating, so this kind of love becomes stronger, better, and sweeter each day as the years pass.
I challenge you to flip your opinion of what love can be like. Read the List Method - I promise you someone is out there who is your perfect match, and they are waiting for you. Don’t wait another day to live your ideal life. There is an epic love out there for you - and all for the nominal price of a bit of self-discovery.
Go to TheListMethod.com to find out more.